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Friday, 12 January 2018

Decluttering my mind...or something.

So we're nearly half-way through January already - which I'm pretty happy about, as January is such a drag! I hope that you've had a good start to the year, and if you haven't I hope that everything will improve for you soon, (I know that there are a few of you who have been having an especially tough time lately too).

I hate complaining about trivial things, and despite not being totally content with what I'm currently doing with my life (that's the impatient side of my personality nagging at me), I'm happy - things have certainly been much worse. In fact, the only thing that I have to complain about is some ghosting MS symptoms (this usually around the time of year when I would relapse - so fingers crossed I don't). The ghosting symptoms are mainly a weaker right side, which I only really notice when I drum.

I decided to take up drumming again, as musically this is what comes naturally to me, and learning to play guitar & bass took a lot of practice - not that I'm giving up on them. Singing was just so I didn't have to look for a singer in my old band, and the other time it was just an excuse to be in another band! In a way drumming is musical therapy at the moment, forcing me to exercise the side which is weaker. I'm finding it frustrating, as I'm not as good as I usually would be (plus I am my own worst critic), but that spurs me on more to improve. I've even had a stab at drumming at home, with a make-shift drum kit, which is anything I can find that I can bash with my drum sticks that makes a noise, and doesn't piss off the neighbours! Although I think getting an electronic kit so I can practice every day is on the horizon. Practice, practice, practice...

In reference to my last blog, I managed to summon some forced creativity for my creative writing essay, and I even got quite into writing it in the end. I could have done with five hundred more words or so to be totally happy with it, but I always overthink things, so for a university essay, it was fine. This blog is definitely my own creative writing outlet in a way, even if this blog isn't that creative, it's like clearing the clutter from my mind so I can get on with other things.

I've been unhappy with the university module I've been studying for a while now, as well as my Maths GCSE. I've decided though that I need to focus more on my English Degree as maybe the Maths GCSE is getting in the way (and making me stressed). Studying for both just isn't working out brilliantly. I'm doing fine time wise with the English module, but I don't think that the Maths classes are benefiting me. I seem to revert back to my scared fifteen year old self, and go totally blank when asked a question, which makes me doubt myself further in the class.

I also don't need the Maths qualification, but it would make things much easier once I have my BA and TEFL qualifications, if I ever wanted to work in an international school, although I can get jobs elsewhere. I'm thinking of seeing if I can study on my own terms at home (practising lots of past exam papers would help), and booking into the exams in June anyway, just to see if I can do it.

The module I'm doing at the moment for my degree is a bit alien to me, as it is so subjective, and everything depends on whether the tutor likes my writing or not. I guess that I need to try and not worry about it too much, and get it done (it'll be over in May, thankfully!) If I concentrate less on the Maths side of things, it will calm me down a bit, as I can focus. Plus I want to keep up with actual language studies, in preparation for October - especially the grammar module for my final year! Eek. There will be more silly terms like Derivational Morphemes...yep, I thought so (Derivational what?)

Not that I am wishing the year away, but come June time, I will have the module completed, maybe have taken my Maths exams, and hopefully have the all clear MS wise (I say 'ish' here as I'm not cured, but no active MS is the next best thing). I'm hoping to look for some part-time work around then, and finish the final year of my degree in the autumn.

In the meantime, I have a huge trip planned for February, as I'm off down under for two and a bit weeks - Perth mainly, and a visit to Melbourne. I did mean to take a similar trip a few years back (West Coast USA, NZ, and Aus), but I was too unwell and I had to cancel, so this is also a big middle finger up to the MS.

I'm planning it so I can sleep half-way in Dubai, then sleep as soon as I get to Oz, so hopefully I won't feel too wiped out when I get there. I can't wait. It sure beats freezing my arse off here!

Anyway, that's enough from me.


Jo x

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