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Lucky streak...

Lately I've been thinking about how lucky I am. As I've mentioned before, my last relapse was my worst yet, and the treatment I'...


Thursday, 19 July 2012

Can't sleep, can blog...

I'm writing this when I should really be trying to get to sleep, but I'm wide awake, so thought I'd write a blog.

I've slowly started getting back to how I used to be before I got ill, as I've realised how many people I haven't seen over the past 4 years, or things I haven't done, due to being ill and needing to sleep every weekend. Life is too short, as I've mentioned before, and will probably mention again.

My "f**k you!" attitude has come to the fore, which is helping me with being ill. Somedays admittedly, it gets one over on me, but it makes me want to overcome as much as I can, despite feeling like crap.

I am aware I've also mentioned this before, but the main things that get to me is my poor memory, questionable concentration ability & my speech - especially when I can't think of a word (it makes me feel about 80 years old), or when I mix my words up, and trip up over my speech.

I know it can't be helped, and I'm still trying to think and speak slowly - but then this has consequences: interruption or people finishing my sentences.

Let me finish please & interject at relevant points in the conversation like most people - I feel like it's frustrating having a conversation with me sometimes, so I've taken to being quiet when I'm having a bad speech day. Rant over...this is my therapy, so there you go!

Anyway, in my mission to live life, rather than just purely survive, I'm keeping up with my lead guitar practice, and am pro-actively trying to form a band. I hope by the end of the year this will be a reality.

Ciao xx

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Blogging, for the hell of it...

So I thought I'd write another blog, despite only writing one last week. A friend told me last night that they enjoy reading my blog, but one criticism is that I don't write it regularly, and suggested I try it once a week (he puts me to shame as he writes his most days).

They also said I should stop apologising about my blog being a personal or "dear diary..." blog, as personal blogs are always the best ones (I guess like being given permission to read someones diary?)

My blog/journal/diary/notebook...whatever you want to call it, will always be about life and what goes on in my world. The past five years have seen me ill, to better, doing something with my life, and repeat. I've pretty much come to terms with having MS, and it is just a part of life now. I'm used to the injections, the side effects of said injections, being tired, and sometimes having a crap short-term memory - if I never get used to it, I'll be constantly fed up, and as I was suddenly reminded recently, life really is too fucking short!

I have had a good excuse of not being able to go out and keep in touch with many people, as I have spent a lot of time being exhausted & in bed, but now I know how to handle my condition, I need to get used to living life again (rather than surviving as I mentioned last time).

I had a wake up call very recently, as an old friend I hadn't seen in a while sadly and suddenly passed away. They were a person who always sought to get the most fun from life, as well as being one of the nicest, genuine people who I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. After reading an old Facebook conversation of ours from a couple of years ago, where I mentioned I had flu and couldn't get out of bed, he mentioned that he had the remnants of flu too, despite him being invincible. I said "I thought I was invincible too, but apparently not." It bought a tear to my eye, then I realised, if you live life with no fear, that's how you'll live it the fullest.

Anyway, so a band is on the cards, I have a bassist and myself as singer/guitarist, so I just need a drummer - which is easier said than done, even in Brighton. I've even got out of my weekday trap of staying in "coz I have work tomorrow," and have socialised during the week a bit more which helps.

Well, a blog with no meaning at the beginning seems to have had a point. Live life, rather than just purely survive, and have no regrets. Now, on that note, I'm off.

Ciao xoxo

This blog is dedicated to those family & friends I've loved and lost over the years. You will live on in cherished memories & photos (if I was savvy enough to take them in some cases). You'll be loved, missed & admired, but never forgotten. See you on the other side one day...

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Things have got to change...

I was a different person five years ago. As I've mentioned before no doubt. I was part of a music scene, which I now am not, and I was generally a happy-go-lucky type of person. I'd also say 'yes' to doing more things in life.

Something happened very recently which reminded me that life goes by in the blink of an eye, so you need to cherish every moment. It was also a wake-up call to the person I've become - I'm not actually myself anymore.

Anyone remember the film "Yes Man" ? Where the main character decides to say yes to make his life more interesting/fulfilling? I think I should do that more (well, not yes to ANYTHING - definitely no bungee jumping).

I've decided to get a band together, go out to more gigs, and stop staying in so much. My diagnosis gave me a positive attitude whereby I wasn't going to let my illness get in the way of my life - but it has done the opposite (or should I say that "I" have done the opposite).

Unfortunately I am saying this in bed, but in my defence, I forgot to take Ibuprofen & Paracetamol with my medication last night, and I essentially gave myself the flu today. Waking up with stiff, sore joints and a raging migraine - lovely.

Anyway, putting my stupidity aside, I'm now going to make more effort with living my life, rather than just purely surviving.