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Tuesday, 30 January 2018

No creativity allowed...

In my last blog I wrote about being focused (or in my case my lack of focus!) Since then, I've gained some focus, and quit my Maths course to concentrate on my degree, which I think is the best decision for now.

I don't need the Maths qualification right now, and I already have a pass grade (just not the best pass grade), it just might be useful in the future, and only if I decide I want to teach in an international or secondary school. I've also been thinking of potential career paths, which I'm leaving open for now, but I think something in the vein of Copy Editing and/or Copy Writing; maybe TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language). Maybe both could feature alongside each other if I end up being self-employed.

My MS has been mostly behaving itself lately, and I realise now that I found it much easier to blog here when I was unwell, as I had something to write about, much like I find creativity can be inspired by anger, frustration, happiness or some unexplainable reason (when inspiration strikes). So maybe my blogs aren't as interesting now, but I'll take that and being healthy any day. Plus, this is really only for me to exercise some writing practice and clear my mind - no matter how boring the subject matter.

The score I received on my last assignment, although awful, has spurred me on to do better next time, and the title for this post is inspired by my last blog. I can be quite stubborn, and if I'm told that I can't do something, the rebel within responds with a: 'Fuck you, yes I can!' Much like the day of my driving test in '09, where my driving instructor had told me the day before that he thought I should cancel my test, as I wasn't up to scratch. I disagreed and told him that I'd do it anyway, as it was paid for.

I met my instructor the next morning, got into his car without saying much, and I drove near-perfectly. When it came to the test I thought I had failed, due to my knock in confidence the day before, but I carried on and did my best. When I found out I had passed, in shock I asked the examiner if I could hug him, I then realised that this was completely inappropriate, and I didn't (especially given the shocked expression on his face - I don't think he was someone who liked to be touched).

Now because I want to prove I can do better, I feel motivated to write something that appeases my tutor and the university. I think that now I can write a so-called Creative Writing essay, without too much creativity involved. In my last assignment, I was too overwhelmed with the wide array of different techniques to write my story, as were many others on my course who also received disappointing scores. I've identified a couple of techniques that should work with the poem I have to write, so hopefully simplicity will win here. I'm glad of all the notes I've written in my diary since October, and the daily haikus I was recommended to write, as this has given me some material to use. I think that the poem will be about winter, as I've written a lot about that (funnily enough).

Music wise, I had a good drumming session on Thursday, which shows I'm improving. I also noticed that the drum pedal I was using wasn't working properly (not that I should blame the equipment too much, haha), and that coupled with weakness on my right-hand side was a bad combo. I don't think I'll be drumming in a band any time soon, but I'll keep at it, and keep the regular slot for practice. I was toying with the idea of getting an electronic drum kit, which would be perfect, as I could practice every day. The only problem is living in a flat, but the woman who lives below me is rarely there, so I could probably get away with it (the only loud thing here would be the drum pedal).

I'm much better at guitar that I thought I would be, especially since due to the MS I couldn't feel my hands intermittently, I feel so lucky not to have lost this skill (it would be frustrating after playing regularly from the age of twelve). I honestly thought that as I took to drumming much quicker than I did guitar, that drumming would be easier. However, with muscle memory, it almost feels like I haven't had much of a break guitar wise - although I am a bit rusty. I would love to get better with some lead, and plan on practising this again. I was taught to play 'TV Eye' and 'Smokestack Lightning' before as starting points for lead, so I'll see how I get on with that. I realise that music wise I don't sound too focused, but I think that while figuring out what I want to do, I need to explore the possibilities. I would love to be in a band doing Replacements-esque and Bash & Pop style music - poppy with a punk edge to it. So, we'll see what happens.

A week tomorrow I leave for Australia (getting there on the Friday - I'm sure the time difference is going to confuse me), which I'm excited for. The long journey will be tiring, but I'm glad of having a stop at a hotel half-way, so hopefully I shouldn't be too much like a zombie when I turn up! I might post before then, although I have that assignment to write and a job application to prepare, so I'll see.

Until next time...

Ciao,

Jo x

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